Goodness me, I have been saving this book on my shelf for a little while now because I instantly knew that it was going to be another The Fault in Our Stars job. At the very least even if it wasn't it was going to be borderline The Perks of Being a Wallflower vibes and you know me, I was setting myself up for a broken heart.
Now I was looking forward to reading this anyway, I've heard great things about it and now there's a movie? Sold! However, I knew at some point or another it was going to be sad, you can just tell, and did I want to cry in public? No. So it was one of those books that I like to put off until I am either in the mood to cry or am forced to read. It was a combination of both that led me to picking up this book from the black shelf last Tuesday night. I wouldn't say I had any reason for wanting to cry, I was actually in quite a good mood, but it was one of those moments where I wanted to become invested in something. I wanted to throw myself at something and feel achievement, and it just so happened that this book was the next one on the to-be-read shelf. So that ticked off two things, I'd tick off another book from the TBR pile and be 5 books closer to the end of the shelf, as well as triggering some meaningful emotion. I knew I'd be sad, so it was instantly a bedtime book and I refused to finish it outside those walls, but it was a story gratefully received.
I didn't cry as much as I thought I would. I liked that. Yes I enjoyed those John Green books but they gave me a headache from the waterfall they caused. This one was paced, it got me in the places I didn't expect, like when we found out about Stella's sister Abby.
SPOILERS
I had a feeling she was dead. And it wasn't the fact that she was dead or Stella talking about it that got me. It was the survivors guilt. Out of all of it that was the part that made me cry. I feel like throughout the rest of the book I kept myself relatively under control.
I have to give it to these authors, they know how to write teen drama really well, it took me back to those days. I liked the dynamic between Poe and Stella, and then Poe and Will. Poe just seemed really easy to get along with and like a great friend. This was a triangle that gelled easily, they belonged together even though they couldn't physically be together. That six feet apart rule sucks, that illness sucks and honestly my heart goes out to anyone who suffers.
What doesn't help when I'm picturing the characters is the fact I have since seen the trailer for the movie. I got this book when it was announced the film was being made but it hadn't come to be yet, now it's everywhere and I can only picture our main bad boy as Cole Sprouse. If that isn't a distraction then I don't know what is. I haven't watched the film yet, and it will take a lot for me to talk myself into it, but I suppose I'll get around to it eventually. Making myself read a sad book is far different from a movie, only I can muster the pictures in my head to go with the story, I can control how I wish to feel the pain on the pages. A movie is different. I will be forced to see that pain live and I don't get a choice on how I want to be involved, emotions get laid out raw in front of me and you get sucked in without helping it as it's easier to relate to a person when you can see it happening first hand, with a book you rely on your own experiences to relate to the outline. Anyway, I'll get to it.
Barb is a beaut. Just so you know.
But let's get into Stella's head for a second. She is your typical teenage girl but battling something much bigger than those of us who don't understand could possibly comprehend. Even with this she falls head over hills for Will despite the fact he is literally death walking for her. It did make me wonder though, in the space of what 5 days? 8? She fell so in love with him that she felt she couldn't live without him and if that was the case didn't want to go on. I closed the book for a little while and just sat there thinking whether or not that would have been accurate in real life. Don't get me wrong I am fully aware that this is a book, but sometimes, especially when you are talking about a thing like love, you just want it to be realistic so that you can relate or base your expectations on them. I sat there for a little while before going to sleep just pondering that. It seemed quite dramatic. But then I thought back to my own experiences in love, especially at that age, and as it turns out clearly all teenagers are dramatic af as I felt like I couldn't live without the guy I loved either.
I would just like to mention Poe. I swear I have never cried so much when it comes to a characters life being threatened. I had good reason to cry it seems but that's one spoiler too many. What happened to Poe actually forced me to reach out to my oldest friend, I hadn't spoken to him for about 3 years after a rather nasty falling out subject to my ex boyfriend. I am happy to say we made amends and reading what happened to Poe really put things into perspective for me. I am happy it did. I mean this guy was terrified of letting people love him because he didn't want to hurt them when he died, and he knew he was going to. So he pushed away the goddamn love of his life to save him from this, and when he couldn't take the loss himself and Stella convinced him to reach out he did and he was going to let himself be happy with Michael. But he never got the chance. THAT is what hit me and made me cry for ages, the fact he never got the chance. I don't plan on dying any time soon, but I don't want to leave people I knowingly hurt, those who I cared about, without an apology and an explanation. It worked out for me, but how many others never got a chance to make things right? Even if death doesn't play a part?
Will is the man we all wish we had. He is the Patch to our Nora, the Rhys to our Feyre, but in less fortunate and fantastical terms. He mirrors real life and the fact there will not be a happy ending here, but we want one anyway. My heart breaks for him. Fun story, the moment I finished this book I messaged my gals with a selfie and a warning about this book. The reason for the selfie was to make it apparent how devastating I found it, honestly my face was a mess. Did they heed my warning? No. If anything it made them want to read it more.
Anyway, I would like to reward Five Feet Apart with a warm 8/10. It was sad, it was funny, it was heartwarming. I felt like these people were my friends and I was sorry to lose them. CF is no joke people, and I know these people don't need my sympathy but to hell with it, I love you and you are all so strong.
On that note, stay safe you nerds, things seem to be looking up, both personally and nationally. Fingers crossed that the end is Nye for covid. Speak to you all next week!
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