I have seen this movie twice and I strongly believe that it will never grow old. It lives rent free in my mind.
Bullet Train was the film which my entire family watched at the cinema together. This was a big deal, we all have wildly different tastes and it has been so hard to get everyone at the cinema with me, but I finally managed it and it was a special yet somewhat stressful night.
The first time I watched this movie it was just me and my brother. My memory of it was pretty scrambled to be honest as we had a bit of a traumatic experience on the way home which ruined the night. Unfortunately, we came across a poor kitten which had been hit by a car and we wanted to do the right thing and move it out of the road. I managed to contact the owners but we were both pretty struck by the whole thing so it was just as well we went to see the movie again as I honestly can't remember a lot after that night.
The second time we watched this movie we dragged our parents along. That was a much better night.
Now my main motivation for watching this movie may or may not have been because of my tween crushes. Unsurprisingly a lot of people on Tumblr have done the exact same thing, this film was pretty much viewed by an audience who thirsted over Logan Lerman and Aaron Taylor-Johnson back when they were in their teens. I also love an action movie with some comedy thrown in and this was the perfect mix. My only criticism was that Logan Lerman was barely in the damn film and that broke my heart.
Long story short, Bullet Train is about an unlucky assassin who is trying to ease himself back into the job. He takes on a snatch and grab job meant for another assassin and boards a train where his only objective is to literally steal a briefcase full of cash.
His first obstacle is bumping into 'The Twins' two men for hire who were responsible for the Bolivia Job where they slaughtered a load of people single handedly. One of whom shot Ladybug (our unlucky assassin otherwise known as Brad Pitt). After having a wee bit of a scuffle with Tangerine and Lemon Ladybug finds his luck getting worse and worse after he comes across killer after killer who all seem to be after the same thing. The cash. Pitt then realises this wasn't just a simple snatch and grab after all and there is something bigger at play here, it all starts to unravel and goes to shit as he realises he was just the wrong guy and it was a big murder plot from the White Death. This was literally a family feud gone fantastically wrong.
So Bullet Train is absolutely racked with stars. Brad Pitt, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Logan Lerman, Sandra Bullock, Joey King, Karen Fukuhara, Michael Shannon, Brian Tyree Henry, Bad Bunny, Ryan Reynolds, Zazie Beetz, and loads of others. This was like a mini Deadpool 2 reunion in some ways, which makes sense as it was made by the same people. Not to mention the cinematic style was veryyyy much the same. Just look at that slow motion scene, familiar anyone?
SPOILER.
When Ryan Reynolds popped up on screen the cinema erupted. That was hands down the most popular bit of the whole movie. I wasn't expecting it but my mother was, her meaning behind that was the fact it was very Deadpool-esque and there was no way he would miss a chance to be in it. She wasn't wrong.
I also need someone to clarify for me, during the ending, I think it's during one of the fight scenes there is a song playing which sounds like the Foo Fighters. I can't find anything on the internet to support this but Dave Grohl's voice is unmistakable and I swear to god it was them/him. My mum agrees and she is a huge FF fan so I know I'm not crazy. Did anyone else notice?
I loved the Thomas the Tank Engine references in this film. As a massive Thomas fan myself I completely agree with everything Lemon says. I also really liked the Percy Jackson reference, which I'm sure must have been intentional, when Lemon stuck the Percy sticker on Logan. I so wanted something like that to happen and I couldn't explain nor contain my excitement to my family when it did because they have absolutely no clue.
Bullet Train is action packed. It's got a bit of romance, murder, fight scenes, comedy, horror, sadness. Basically this film is fun for all the family. It's a mix of every genre known to man and it makes it work. I was really worried following the trailer that it was going to be a disappointment and I honestly don't think it was. I was worried that maybe it was one of those movies where all the good bits are in the teasers but luckily I was wrong. It was a big and yet somewhat predictable twist at the end but my god did it work.
Also shout out to our other cameo, Mr Channing Tatum who starred in this movie for a total of about 60 seconds as a man trying to get some sexy time from the hot men in this movie. I can't blame him. We just needed Daniel Radcliffe and we would have had the entire cast from The Lost City. They were obviously filming those two movies in tandem as Bullock and Tatum popped up in little bits during BT and Pitt did the same for TLC. I loved it, those little cross overs are what I live for.
Bullet Train deserves a 7/10. I can't rate it higher despite wanting to as it is a little too cheesy and that would be totally bias of me. But a 7 shows its a pretty good film and I think everyone should give it a go. Brad Pitt has come a long way since Fight Club and I am not sure whether or not I dig the long hair but it is what it is. All of these characters had chemistry, all of them looked like they had a good time, and that kind of environment is something I want to experience. The cast looked like they had a blast and were all great friends by the end of it. I am genuinely surprised any work got done.
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Bye!
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