81. Thorpe Park

 

For Kieran's birthday I asked him to pick a destination he wanted to go to as a present. Twas perhaps a little lazy of me, but I'd rather go do something that he'd enjoy rather than cluttering up the place with trinkets no one actually wants. He seemed pretty chuffed with this idea, and of course this has set the pace going forward, and eventually picked Thorpe Park.

I booked a 2 day trip inclusive of nearby hotel accommodation (we decided we might be a little too old to fully enjoy the themed accommodation available on site), and the whole thing was pretty reasonably priced. What was evident first of all, is that I did not account for the weather, nor how tired we would end up!

The last weekend of June finally rolled around and Chertsey was a sweltering 27 degrees. Yes we got a little sunburnt over the weekend. But this brings me to my very first point before I talk about anything else. The freestyle cups are a good investment. We did not take advantage of this little perk until almost the end of our first day there and so perhaps did not get brilliant value for money, but we more than made up for that when we refreshed the cups the next day and drank fizzy pop to hydrate until we were more fluid than people. Absolute life saver and while the free water fountains are a great idea and almost always without a queue, nothing beats an ice cold fizzy drink in the height of summer weather. 

So we embark on our adventure and straight away there is a little bit of a hitch. The E-Tickets wont let us in and we need to go to Business Services to get it sorted. A good old fashioned ticket is issued to us, we are told it will get us in the day after as well (it didn't and the nice gentleman who sorted it out for us on the Sunday apologised for the lady fobbing us off), and sent on our way to go back through the main gate that still wont submit us, but a lovely lady finally managed to let us in. So half an hour later of faff we were in, and the very first ride Kieran chose was called Zodiac.

I didn't see this ride in action before I agreed to go on it. I didn't realise it span stupidly quickly and rose in the air, or that you have to sit in this little cage and hold onto each other for dear life. So there I am, practically in Kieran's lap as we are being spun to the point of sickness. Let me tell you, I am so glad I skipped breakfast. But it was a pretty exhilarating ride and set the mood for the rest of our thrill seeking trip.

We'd arrived about 12pm, and so by the time everything was sorted and the first ride was under our belt it was 1pm and the wait times were huge. We rode the spinning teacup ride an embarrassing amount of times as well as a small handful of others. We also visited the arcade and grabbed some lunch, but the first day wasn't a massive success, it was really fun, but we spent most of it queuing. To be fair this was expected, a very hot Saturday is probably not the best time to go, but we also managed to experience TP's newest ride after a wait of over an hour, Ghost Train. 

Ghost Train was one of the rides I was most interested in, being the creepy gremlin I am and I was not disappointed but it was not worth the wait time. I'm not going to spoil it, but it involves live actors, walking, and a train ride you might not survive... there is also an interesting little twist at the end of the ride so keep your eyes peeled for anything that seems suspicious. It's a nightmare you can't escape!

It is also super aesthetically pleasing. We loved the effort that went into the waiting area, what with the spooky old posters and broken glass/dingy building affect. I hadn't been to Thorpe Park for near on 12 years and I actually cannot remember what ride this was over a decade ago, but it all seemed very familiar to me in that queue. 

Seeing the massive grin on Kieran's face throughout was enough for me, and I'm pretty sure that was our last ride on the Saturday. We invested in cups, doughnuts, and took a slow walk though enjoying the scenery before jumping in the car to get to the hotel.

We stayed at The Crown Hotel which was far fancier than I had realised (3 stars but posh for us young people!), and the staff were lovely and accommodating and the room was stunning. Kieran felt royally spoilt and I'll admit even though I chose it, I did too. We felt very grown up and like we were on holiday not a cheeky little weekend. It was adorable.

Let's talk about scenery for a moment, shall we?

It ain't Disneyland, but it still has that cheesy theme park magic. The park as a whole has been divided into themes. We start out in a place called Amity Cove which seems to have been hit by some kind of freak storm starting with the main water ride Tidal Wave. You walk past dilapidated buildings with half a shark hanging out of the roof and typical 1950s vibes follow the beachy aesthetic which takes up a large chunk of the attractions here. Old punchy music accompanies the visual theme and a lot of effort clearly went into this part of the park. You've got an actual little beach, all the water based rides, an arcade, and lord knows what else. This theme then bleeds a little into other areas of the park which seems a bit more of a mismash.

If you head a little deeper into the parks and toward the smell of fast food you end up accosted by green pigs from the world of Angry Birds. This seemed a little random, and rather than having a section of the park completely dedicated to this theme, the pigs and aggressive birds seemed to have gatecrashed a corner of the Amity village. This is clearly the bit marketed at kiddos but in my view a little unsuccessfully. I think Thorpe Park as a whole is more adult based in terms of theme parks. If you compare it to somewhere like Chessington, the rides here are harsher, faster, larger, scarier. Chessington from memory is a lot softer. They've got the Gruffalo, a zoo, slower and more heavily themed rides. TP is appropriate for more of a thrill seeking demographic until you hit the pigs. Why do you think Fright Nights is the place to be? Someone says Halloween at a themepark and everyone just knows Thorpe Park is the best, it should stick to the age it knows.

We then wander into something slightly cowboy themed? I'm not really sure, it was brief and the tiredness was creeping in. But the thing I definitely noticed was the further you went into the parks the less clear it was what theme was what. You approach the Ghost Train and The Walking Dead and nothing really made any sense anymore, you weren't in Amity Cove but there was still nautical buildings about, but then another turn and you've got a jungle vibe encroaching on the creepy train station. I think if the horror based rides are sectioned here the aesthetic needs to become a little more horrific. If the whole of TP Island is Amity Cove then have the destruction hit harder around this area, make the scary rides fit more with the theme. Otherwise it just seems like you've got a Black Mirror and TWD rides purely for the media association. Way back when, when it was Saw and Saw Maze (I was 11 and scared out of my mind for that one) the vibe seemed more scary and industrial which made sense. But on the Sunday we walked out of TWD with our hearts racing (at least mine was) and then was face to face with the red and white harbour-esque gift shop which had nothing to do with zombies and wasnt even a little creepy,

You then go back to near the entrance and we've got shrubbery but space associated rides and I just dont understand it. I think someone lost interest when decorating and building an experience and just decided these hardcore lumps of steel belong in greenery but name them something cool. Mr Banana's ride or whatever made sense here, but Zodiac? Nah. Opportunities were missed to either link the place as a whole or make clear divides like in those beloved Disney parks.

I stupidly did not take any pictures (other than of the birthday boy) but we plan to return soon and so maybe a ride based review is on the cards in future and a more in depth look. It was magical though, and it does feel a bit like a fever dream now.

So on the Sunday we got through a little more of the rides and had an easier time of it despite trying to be more relaxed as we were knackered. First thing first was The Walking Dead ride. We'd arrived at the park just after opening time after a leisurely breakfast and headed straight here after checking the app for ride times. We walked straight on.

We might have been slightly too early for this one however, as we were under the impression there would be live actors jumping out and going zombie on us to scare the absolute life out of me, but there was none. What did happen was on the way out of the little maze consisting of industrial corridors and the threat of the dead about to leap out at me, my idiot boyfriend decided to scare the life out of me by grabbing me and screaming in my ear like a zombie. Of course I jumped out of my skin and screamed, you know my feelings on zombies, I've mentioned it enough on this blog, and Kieran took full advantage of this and has been laughing about it ever since. Dont get me wrong, I was grateful no actual zombies were present, although thinking back maybe we didnt give them much of a chance as I was trying not to run through that whole thing. But it was a fun and well done ride, we even got the ride photo to look back on. 

As mentioned previously though, the magic was lost the second we left the ride as we saw shrubs and the gift shop. My heart calmed and decided the threat was over. There could be a scarier atmosphere here for sure. 

 We then headed to get wet. Firstly on Storm Surge where we misjudged exactly how wet we would get (our feet were submerged as the dinghy was full of water) and then squelched our way to a long old wait at Tidal Wave. I'm sure we did some things in between those two events but it was a little hazy, the sun was beating down and we were burning.

The only downside about Storm Surge is sharing with strangers as there has to be a party of 6. Fair enough. There was only 2 of us so we were asked to share with a family which seemed to go out of their way to seperate the two of us. Regardless this was a fun yet somewhat jarring ride. It was a good shout on a hot day. Also see how many times you hear the voice over shout Y'all, Kieran counted how many in the speech and then how many per minute. I think we were going stir-crazy, it's all you could hear!

I am sure that Tidal Wave 12 years ago did not get you completely drenched. Yeah you got a bit damp, but I was no way expecting to be the same level of wet as being submerged in a bath. Maybe my memory is addled, but I'm sure improvements have been made to completely saturate you. Kieran might even agree with me here, but that was my favourite ride of the weekend. I loved that during the long queue there was little easter eggs and things to spot as well as fictional radio segments and music to sing along to. You had things like destroyed bathrooms and oil advertisements. It really was like visiting a destroyed American suburb (think Jaws).

These two water rides were by far superior to Rumba Rapids. This one we went on as a couple despite our pod thing being huge, and it was a gentle water ride with not much in terms of getting wet or things to see. It was cute and we got to relax and spend a peaceful minute together just spinning gentle round. I'm fairly certain we went on this one on the Saturday but I honestly have no idea.

We went on Dobble Tea Party at least three times. For what is perceived as a gentle kiddie ride, we certainly proved that it is all down to how you take it. This was the ride we had the most fun on. Kieran going out of his way to spin us as fast as he possibly could and urging me to join in, any on lookers could just see we were the life of the party in that moment and a lot of childless adults soon followed suit.

We also, for nostalgia's sake on my part, went for a ride on The Flying Fish. This was a lot jerkier than I remember, riding it at least 20 times on my first visit a looooong time ago with my best friend. Riding it like 13 years later, just the once, with said friend's brother was a little surreal, but we got some great ride photos which I will cherish.

I think the final ride to mention from our selection across our busy weekend was Rush. I had put this down as a boring little ride which was basically massive industrial swings. This changed the moment my bum left the seat as we swung stupidly high and my heart threatened to leave my chest. It seems as though I cant handle roller coasters as well as I could in my youth, the height and force got to me on that one. We mutually agreed that Stealth would be reserved for another visit after that.

Otherwise, we made full use of the freestyle machines which were always out of ice on Sunday, indulged in doughnuts which are always nicer from somewhere like this, and perused the giftshops looking for momentos. The pin selection isnt as good as Chessington and the gift selection is mainly sweets, but it was fun window shopping for a break.

We were sorry to leave, but we were knackered. Two days was perhaps not enough to do everything, but it depends on your pace. We are absolutely looking to return in the near future and have another little adventure at Amity Cove, maybe one which will end in getting less sunburnt...

For our first (adult) visit to Thorpe Park, I'm going to give this attraction as a whole an 8/10. It was fun, interesting, and we had a really nice time. Maybe next time we'll look at reviewing the rides themselves or else I'll be rehashing, but if you havent visited yet please do this summer as it was such a laugh!

Before I sign off again, let me just do the legal bit. We are in no way in association with either Coca-Cola or Thorpe Park. This post is my own opinion and neither myself or Kieran are being paid for any promotions or our views.

Have you got any fun memories you want to share of your visit? Perhaps some theme park recommendations for us? Leave me a comment on my socials!